


The Shit People Say

by 2000sbxtch



Category: South Park
Genre: All Characters are Versatile, Chubby Kyle Broflovski, Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak are Best Friends, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Break Up, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Smut, Teenage Drama, Teenagers, Tourette's Syndrome, Tweek and Craig Broke Up but are Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29740425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2000sbxtch/pseuds/2000sbxtch
Summary: Craig is into a certain type of dudes, and he and Tweek are still friends. Also, friends are weird.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker & Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick, Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick, Thomas (South Park: Le Petit Tourette)/Craig Tucker, Token Black/Nichole Daniels
Kudos: 4





	The Shit People Say

**Author's Note:**

> Word count: 3,145
> 
> Crystal: a crystallized form of methamphetamine that can be burned down and injected like a lot of other drugs.

Craig chuckled breathlessly as he fell to the bed, sweating and panting heavily as he basked in his afterglow, Thomas following after as he fell onto Craig’s chest. “God that was fucking amazing…” Thomas breathed out, giving him a small giggle as he pressed into his boyfriend, sniffling and squeaking now and again. 

Craig grinned and wrapped an arm around the blonde, pulling him even closer, “would you mind a round two?” He whispered into his ear, giving him a grin. Before Thomas could even respond, the door flung open, Craig’s father standing in the doorway.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

“Fuck dude, there’s no fucking way.” Kenny snickered, taking a drag of his cigarette as he passed it over to Craig, trying not to go into full-blown laughter as he saw his face go bright red.

“I didn’t know he’d wake up! It was three in the morning, man… and he never wakes up to anything!” Craig whined, taking a big hit before turning away from Kenny, handing him the cigarette once more. He hated recalling the night, but one topic led to another. 

He and Thomas had a pretty good sex life, though he was scared it’d be destroyed by how his dad walked in on them laying on each other sweaty and naked. Better than his and Tweek’s sex life, but they were never caught. This was the first time he was  _ ever  _ caught doing something sexual.

“Maybe this is a good sign. Like your relationship’s inauguration. That’s how I knew Stan and Kyle were there to stay.” Kenny laughed, trying to recall the first time he and his boys got caught. He was at Kyle’s house, so the reaction would’ve been much different if it was at his own.

Craig just rolled his eyes continuing to suck down the cigarette when it was passed back to him. He wondered...what all did his dad hear? Was his dad just standing there listening or watching through a crack in the door while they were going at it? He was snapped out of his anxiety-inducing thoughts as Kenny opened his mouth to ask an inconsiderate question.

“So when you’re fucking him does his Tourettes get worse? Yanno, does he scream ‘cock’ or something in your ear while you’re balls deep in hi-”

“Will you shut the fuck up?”, Craig cut him off letting out an irritated grunt. He knew he was asking honestly and not trying to be a dick, but he was getting out of hand. Kenny snorted at how defensive he was and rolled his eyes, grabbing another cigarette from his pocket.

Kenny shrugged, “I dunno man, I know Tweek did some weird shit. You’ve got a type for blonde spazzes.” He laughed, lighting the cigarette as it hung out of his mouth. He knew that was a bit rude, but he just liked to see Craig all angry. 

"So? You and Butters have a thing for fat bitches. We all have our preferences...mine happens to be skinny bitches who seem like they’re tweaking on drugs.” Craig spoke, snorting as he looked over at Kenny, who put a hand on his chest like he was the one being admired.

“I’m flattered I’m your type, but I love me some meat on their bones.” He shot back, giving him a shit-eating grin. Craig laughed and shook his head, rolling the windows down in his shitty truck to let out the smoke. He sat back as he read through his and his boyfriend’s messages, smirking as he found a dick pic Thomas sent him. “Okay but _ this… _ ” He grinned, leaning over to show his friend. Kenny’s eyes went wide and he looked at Craig then back at the picture.

“Dude…” He gasped out in amazement, grabbing the phone to get a closer look. “What the fuck?”

“He’s thick in all the right places, man.” Craig bragged, giving him a grin. He took the phone back and quickly slid it down his pocket as his boyfriend approached the driver’s side door. Craig grinned, “Oh- hey babe.” He smiled, acting like he didn’t just show Kenny his dick pic. Kenny leaned over to give him a wink and a wave, which Thomas brushed off as Kenny being Kenny.

Thomas blinked hard a couple of times and let out squeaks, smiling at him. “ Hey- I uh, was wondering iffFUCK if you could stay the night? Since it’s Friday and all…” He sniffled, still letting out squeaks and grunts. His tics were usually pretty tame around Craig and his friends, feeling less pressured around them.

“Oh! Uh… I mean… yeah but I was gonna-”

“Come to my house party! It’ll be fun!” Kenny interrupted, looking over at Thomas with a grin. Craig sighed, not wanting to mention it since he didn’t want him to feel weird at the party. Kenny could tell he was hesitant to tell him, so he continued to explain. “It’ll just be the boys. Clyde, Kyle, Cartman… the works. Bebe and Nichole might come with Clyde and Token, though.” He spoke, smiling. “I’ll check. No one else is allowed to come so- it’ll be everyone you know!”

“I uh… I wouldn’t mind… I just don’t know what I-shiT-I will tell my mom- DOING DRUGS-” He blurted, snorting at his tic. Kenny laughed and shook his head, “yeah don’t tell your mom that.” He responded, laughing.

“Babe- you don’t have to if you don’t want to-” Craig clarified, giving him a worried look. Thomas waved him off and gave him a grin, “It’ll be fine! I can just say I’m staying with you. She can’t get a hold of your parents…” He grinned, getting giddy about the party. He squealed loudly, from excitement...but also from his bottled-up tics trying to speak a regular sentence.

Kenny grinned, “sweet! I have like two spare bedrooms in my basement so if you guys wanna fuck just leave. We won’t walk in on you.” He winked. Thomas then glared at Craig upon hearing that. “You told him?”

“I mean- I wanted advice-” Craig blushed, scratching his head as he looked at Kenny to glare at him. Kenny just rolled his eyes and laughed, looking back at his phone. 

Thomas decided to let it go, shaking his head a bit like he was physically getting rid of the thought in his brain. He stood on his tippy toes to reach his boyfriend and gave him a sweet yet somewhat desperate kiss as they never got around to it during the day. Thomas let it deepen a bit before pulling away, giving his boyfriend a rather sensual smile. “I’ll see you after school--faGGhot- okay?” He smiled, grabbing Craig’s hand and holding it for a moment. Craig just nodded and smiled before kissing his hand as he walked off, hearing small pops of the tongue and profanity; _ of course, he held it in _ , Craig thought, turning back to look at Kenny, who was giving him a sly smirk. “You really do have a type for spazzy blondes, huh?”

Craig just rolled his eyes, “are we really back on this again? Listen, if you’re going to make fun of me for it, then why are you with Kyle? He’s like a fucking dump truck.” he grunted, getting defensive. Kenny just rolled his eyes as he lit another cigarette. “More like he has a dump truck. You ever slapped the ass of a fat dude before? It’s like a fuckin’ earthquake! A big, sexy fuckin’ earthquake…” Kenny said dreamily as he exhaled the smoke out into the truck. “Especially when you got Stan there… With that pitching arm? It shakes the whole house-”

“That’s enough-” He murmured, putting his head in his hands as he tried to keep the image of Stan slapping Kyle’s ass out of his head. He looked up once he was offered the cigarette, taking a drag before passing it back. “You talking about that shit makes me scared for what Butters has to say-” Craig laughed, which Kenny followed with his raspy laughter. 

“Would you be surprised that they have a full-on like- sex dungeon in Eric’s basement? His mom never goes down there, so he just installed a bunch of shit. Apparently, Leo lays good pipe.” Kenny spoke, tapping the ashes out of the window. Craig looked shocked for a moment, “that’s why Cartman walks funny…” He murmured, which Kenny nodded to and laughed.

“Listen, no shame for likin’ skinny dudes.” Kenny clarified, smiling as he felt a sudden nicotine buzz. Craig shrugged and leaned back in his seat, taking in everything from the last night and what Kenny was talking about beforehand… a relationship’s inauguration. Maybe he was right.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

They pulled up to the dingy house; lights and music blaring out from the small downstairs windows. “It looks like a-FUCK-a crack house.” Thomas snorted, looking at the rather scary house. Craig snorted shrugging, “I dunno, the more you know Kenny the more it’s like your second home.” He spoke, pulling the keys out of the ignition and throwing them in his pocket, “you ready or what?”

Thomas nodded, a wide smile on his face, “ready as I’ll ever be.” He grinned, letting out small hums and squeaks as he was lead into the house and down to the loud basement. Familiar faces littered the area, some playing beer pong, some making out...the works. It was a normal house party. Kenny walked up to them with a can of beer in hand, grinning.

“Glad you guys came! Thought you weren’t going to for a bit...you screw in the car before coming in?” He laughed, taking a big swig of the cheap beer. Thomas snickered and shook his head leaning into Craig, “I-SHIT- I-FffFu-wish.” Thomas laughed, which just made his taller male blush. Kenny laughed and waved them along, walking past the friends who were huddled together and talking, or standing idle and taking hits of dab pens.

Kenny brought them to the back of the basement, opening one of the doors to show off a room with just a mattress and some sheets on it. It was dingy, but kind of homey. “This, my friends, is the babymaking station. You wanna get away and create your own action you come back here.” Kenny smirked. Thomas snorted and continued to follow the blonde through the small area. He sat back down on the couch with his two boyfriends and took a swig of his beer, grinning.

Thomas grinned and grabbed an already rolled blunt, grabbing a lighter. He made sure to keep his tics back as he lit the roll of weed and took a puff, blowing it into his boyfriend’s face. Craig sighed and smiled at his dork of a boyfriend, letting out his tension. To be quite honest, Craig was scared of bringing Thomas to the party. One thing he fought with himself about was whether he felt bad for Thomas or bad for himself… He felt guilty; he always got a sinking feeling while in public with his boyfriend, especially when people stared at him. He just didn’t know if that feeling was about protecting himself or Thomas.

Craig was quickly brought out of his thoughts as his boyfriend grabbed onto his arm and laughed sitting down with him on the couch; apparently, someone had said something funny, or maybe he was already a little high, but he smiled and chuckled along anyway. 

“So, fellas, how has your life been? I haven’t seen you two together lately!” Butters piped up, sitting on his beloved Eric’s lap. Craig smiled at him, though in his mind he couldn’t take him seriously.

“It’s been okay. Actually...really well. Sorry we don’t see you around a lot.” Craig spoke, wrapping an arm around Thomas’s shoulders. Thomas nodded and grabbed onto his boyfriend’s hand after taking a hit of the blunt in his hand. “We’ve been-cOCK- really good actually-sHIt!” He murmured, his leg spasming a little as he ticed. Leo chose to ignore it, just giving him a bright smile.

“Well, that’s good… Glad you two could come tonight,” he smiled, “you try the spank bank yet? Even though the mattress is on the floor, it’s pretty comfy...and it makes no noise!” He grinned. Even while talking about the dirtiest shit, Butters was still as innocent and happy as ever. Eric decided to chime in then with a nod, gripping Leo’s sides. “It was perfect, you guys.” He grinned, which Butters just hit his chest and giggled out a small “stop it”. They truly flirted like two 40-year-olds.

Thomas giggled and shook his head, “we haven’t yet… I bet I can get Craigers all excited though.” He smirked, the potent drug bringing out a more confident side of him. Craig chuckled, “you bet babe.” He chimed in, moving his hands to his waist and squeezing. Eric made a fake gagging noise, which prompted Butters to hit him on the arm.

As time passed, Craig was taken by surprise as his boyfriend suddenly pulled him up, bringing him to the front to dance with some of the others. It was extremely cute how bold he became, but he was moving a bit slow due to the drug. Thomas pulled their hips in together, slow-grinding against him and laughing. Butters whistled, and Kenny chimed in with a “get it, Tucker!”

That was all Craig needed to build up his confidence and put on a show. He slowly began to move his hips in sync with his boyfriends to the beat of the rather shitty EDM music, which earned more whistles. Thomas began to giggle at his boyfriend’s sudden burst of confidence, but followed along, biting his lip to tease Craig. The music felt like a pulse rushing inside of them, or maybe it was just the smell of burning crystal. Whatever it was, it was more than fun. Soon enough, others began to join them in a fit of drunken and high grinding and dancing. 

Thomas laughed and pulled the other away with him, leading him to a corner in the room to give him a deep kiss and feel up his chest. “Wanna-cU-wanna take this somewhere else big boy?” he grinned, giving him cute, sultry giggles. He was...obviously high, but Craig couldn’t help himself. The whole atmosphere of the party made everything intoxicating. 

Craig nodded after a split second of thought and dragged him to the back bedroom, turning the half burnt-out light and pushing Thomas down onto the firm, yet soft mattress. Never in a million years did he think he’d fuck his boyfriend at a house party...and in Kenny’s basement of all places. He wasn’t about to complain, though. The obvious hard-on that almost tore through Thomas’s jeans quickly pulled him out of his thoughts. He had a mission now. 

He crawled on top of the giggling blonde and spread his legs with his own, undoing the poor boy’s belt and fly. Thomas hissed as he felt the release of pressure and bit his lip, watching the dark-haired male on top of him. “Jesus christ Tucker- you-cOCk- never take this-FfUc-this long.” He mumbled out, giving him a lazy smile. Craig just rolled his eyes and grabbed the bottle of lube that sat to the side, popping it open to get it ready.

Craig undid the button that fastened his pants and glided the fly down slowly, biting his lip. He gained a whine from the boy under him, which was his goal. He let out a chuckle and shucked them off, helping Thomas’s shaky hands guide his clothes off. Thomas was quick to spread his legs and grabbed the lube himself, letting it glide down onto his fingers in a steady stream. He shut it and slowly glided his fingers around his puckered hole before entering two, putting a show on for his beloved boyfriend.

“ _ Fuck _ .” Craig breathed out, watching the unholy sight before him. It took all of his self-control not to lift his hips and just eat out Thomas’s asshole. He rather have his spit lube them up than some dollar store shit going up his boyfriend’s ass, but if this was all they could get. Since Thomas was already working it into himself, it’d be useless to use spit. 

Craig reached over to pour a small amount of lube onto his hand, spreading it on his hard cock before guiding it into Thomas with his hand. “Jesus- holy hell you’re tight…” Craig whined, getting a giggle out of Thomas.

“Take it-FUCK-slow, big boy.” He laughed, letting him whine and pant it out until he went to the hilt. Craig’s mind was absolutely racing. Why was he doing this at a house party? Why at Kenny’s house? Whatever... he’d ask himself the questions later, right now he had a job to do.

Once he felt the other loosen up, he began to pump in and out of him roughly, making sure to watch himself as his cock slid back in, being swallowed by the other. What tied it all together was Thomas’s moans, and every now and again, his little tics. The room was filled with a beautiful symphony of not-so-quiet moans, wet skin on skin, and who could forget the stench of weed. It made Craig’s mind run wild, his senses heightened. The smell of sex and drugs burned his nose and the sweet noises rang through his ears, but in such a satisfying way.

“Thomas- babe I’m gonna cum-” Craig gasped out, everything becoming too much to handle. Thomas was slowly creeping up there but needed a bit more. He pulled Craig down to help him get a better angle, which made both of them erupt into sweet harmony. Thomas coated his own chest, while Craig coated every inch of Thomas’s hole, claiming him. 

When Craig came down from his high, he slid out slowly and admired his work before falling on top of the other, cuddling into his sweaty and sticky chest. He was too drained to care now, but he would in the morning.

“Holy shit that was-ffu-FFU- amazing…” Thomas heaved out, giving him a breathy chuckle. Craig only nodded, though he had to admit that was the best sex they’ve ever had. The environment sure did help his libido out, though. He looked up at his boyfriend and gave him his regular dorky grin before leaning up and kissing him deeply.

“I love you. I don’t think I say that enough.” He murmured, stroking his cheek as he felt him twitch into his palm.

“I-HA-love you too, Craig.” He spoke weakly, tuckered out. Craig flopped beside him and covered them with the blanket that was tucked at the bottom of the mattress and held his boyfriend close to his chest, watching him slowly fall asleep. Soon enough, he faded off too, snoring softly into the other’s hair.


End file.
